Doing This Gratitude Thing

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Gratitude:

the quality of being thankful;

readiness to show appreciation for and

to return kindness….

 

I have been a journaler for most of my life.  But in the last few years, I added another practice to my journaling routine, gratitude journaling.  It doesn’t take long at all, just a few minutes before bed every night.  I made it a goal to write down 3 things I was grateful for every night, but I quickly learned that gratitude breeds gratitude.  What started out as something I was “making” myself do became something I looked forward to doing, and 3 grew to 5 and sometimes even more.  This doesn’t mean that some days coming up with just one thing to be grateful for isn’t a stretch. But an attitude of gratitude goes a long way in changing the way we see things.  When we take time to notice the small everyday things in our lives, we begin to celebrate the beautiful life we are creating.  There are so many benefits to living a life of gratitude, improved relationships, better physical health, improved psychological health,  increased empathy,  reduced aggression, stronger self-esteem, better sleep, and increased mental strength. And gratitude journaling isn’t the only way you can get more gratitude in your life, there are numerous other ways.  Pick a particular person in your life each week and seek out ways to show them your appreciation.  Find ways to involve your family in your new mindset, challenge them to begin their own journey of developing an attitude of gratitude.  Make it part of some task you are already doing on a daily basis, like brushing your teeth or washing the dishes.  While we are doing those things that we do on auto-pilot every day, we can take that time to reflect on the many blessings we take for granted every day.  Take the time to write a letter to someone from your past that has encouraged you or played an important part in your life.  Even when bad things happen in your life, try to find the good in the situation….be the person known for specializing in silver linings!  But remember, habits are hard to break, so when you let that negative mindset creep back in, show your self some grace and compassion.  Then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and challenge yourself to once again find the beauty in the ordinary!!

New Traditions…

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Traditions are meant to be kept, right?  I mean even if they aren’t working out for your family and the stage of life you are in, they are traditions and therefore like the Ten Commandments written on stone tablets, you have to keep them, right?  Wrong!  Change is good.  While I have learned to embrace that philosophy over these last 6 years, I am not going to lie, it scared me to death at one time.  Even if something is uncomfortable and even unhealthy, many times, we hold onto it.  Why?  Because the unknown is frightening.  With the uncomfortable and unhealthy we at least know what to expect and therefore don’t have any disappointments or unmet expectations.  Wow, that got deep and emotional fast didn’t it?  Let’s back up and talk about what this post was supposed to be about…traditions.  As changes occur in our lives, it is only natural that traditions change as well.  And maybe we have been guilty of trying to make our family traditions resemble something we have seen on Pinterest or Instagram, even though it isn’t a good fit for the people living under our roof.  Confession time…that’s what I have done with Halloween in the past.  I mean what is the perfect Halloween meal???   Chili of course!!  With chips and cheese and sour cream in rugged crockery with cornbread and crackers…or at least that was what I saw it as and therefore was determined to make this tradition fit my little family.  One problem, not one person in my family likes chili…including me.  I have finally accepted this is not my family’s ideal Halloween night meal and have come up with the following game plan:

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On the menu tonight is mummy hotdogs (aka crescent roll wrapped hotdogs), dip and chips, apples and caramel dip, and sugar cookies dyed orange (like pumpkins…get it??!!). And after a big night of trick or treating popcorn and The Great Pumpkin.  Nothing Pinterest worthy about this new tradition but I have a feeling it will be a hit with my crew, and that is what traditions are all about!!  So, the moral of this story is to use Pinterest and Instagram to inspire you to try new ideas, but let the people you love have the final say on the traditions you start and then be open to changing them as needed.  Find things that fit your stage of life and celebrate them.  And it is ok to create traditions that are just for you.  I change our mantle with the different seasons and holidays…now my kids think this is silly, but I love this tradition and plan on keeping it up no matter how silly they think it is!!

Grace…Not Just For Others

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We are all taught from an early age to be gracious to others, but I don’t ever remember a lesson on extending this healing grace to ourselves.  If I talked to others the way I talk to myself on a daily basis I can assure you I would have no friends, as a matter of fact, I would not just have no friends, I would gain a whole bunch of enemies!  I am brutal with myself…I kept up with it for a few hours this week, and here is a small sampling:

  • You are a failure as a parent, your kids are going to be ruined for life
  • My pictures are horrible, I can not possibly post them
  • I can’t believe I ate that
  • I can’t believe I didn’t work out today
  • I deserve to be alone
  • I should have read instead of watching that episode of The Office yet again
  • My kids should listen to K-Love….not the Foos
  • No one wants to read what you write…what are you thinking??
  • Good Lord look at the dust on that ceiling fan…
  •  If I were a better daughter, I would not let words hurt me
  • If I were a better Christian, I would pray more
  • Where did all these wrinkles come from?
  • I should dress more my age, I look ridiculous…
  • No wonder my kids keep a sinus infection, I should cook healthier food
  • I am so stupid
  • I can not believe I didn’t get those last things 2 things on my to-do list done

And let me preface this by saying this is a few hours IN ONE DAY, not even an entire day of cut downs and insults that I tell myself.  And I wonder why I end up feeling defeated and like a complete failure.  I would NEVER talk to anyone else like this, as a good southern girl I was taught to value politeness above everything.   Why are we not taught to extend this to ourselves?  This is a huge part of self-care.  It doesn’t matter how many routines we implement, how many hobbies we begin, massages we get, or classes we take, if we continue this toxic dialogue with ourselves it will never matter.  We have to stop that little voice that whispers in our ear night and day, recounting every mistake we have ever made.  And I think I have found the kryptonite for this unwelcome guest, gratitude.  Such a simple thing, but so much power in this word.  It isn’t easy to form a new habit, we all know that.  That whole 21-day thing can seem like 365 days when you are trying to replace a bad habit with a good one.  But the payout is worth it, I genuinely believe that.  Small victories deserve to be celebrated as much as big ones….so maybe I didn’t get those last two things on my to-do list done, I did the other four things, and that makes me pretty amazing! Perhaps there is dust on the ceiling fan, but we all have clean socks this week….so go me!  See how it works?  It’s like we have always been taught, garbage in, garbage out.  When we truly start valuing ourselves as the beautiful souls we are, we will begin to change this inner dialogue we have with ourselves every day. None of us are great at everything, but every single one of us is good at something, and those somethings are what we need to look for and celebrate. Living in guilt and despair is such a joy sucker. There is too much goodness and possibility, let’s grab a hold of that and live this beautiful life, extending grace to everyone, including ourselves!

What Is Your Passion?

camera marine hospitalAnother way to practice self-care is to find time to pursue your passions.  Our lives can get very hectic, with people pulling at us from every direction.  Many times our own passions and interest are the first things that get cut from our overbooked schedules.  This can leave you feeling resentful towards the very people you love and care for.  Over time this can cause you to lose your joy and zest for life.  It seems like a quick and easy fix at the time, but it actually is an expensive one in the long run.  Just like with routines, continuing to pursue your interest during the busy seasons of your life doesn’t have to take a lot of time, just a little planning, determination, and belief that you are worth it.  Maybe you,

  • Join a book club at your local library
  • Take an online class through Skill Share
  • Find an outside walking trail and start collecting leaves…bring them home and press them old school style between wax paper.
  • Pick up a book to help you identify the leaves
  • Pick up a camera and begin to notice your world in a different way
  • Take part of a Saturday and explore an art museum in your area
  • Buy an inexpensive set of calligraphy pens and check some books out of the library on hand lettering
  • Start a journal…with a little washi tape and some pictures and memorabilia you have a scrapbook!!
  •  Find a YouTube video and learn how to crochet, knit, embroidery, cook, make soap, raise chickens, build birdhouses…you get the idea!

And maybe it’s been so long since you allowed yourself to think about what you are passionate about that you have no idea where to start.  That’s ok too. Sit down and make a list of anything you have ever been remotely interested in learning about.    Pick something from the list to explore weekly, and if it doesn’t interest you move to the next item.  I can promise you will eventually find something that will inspire you.  And remember…YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!

Is Self Care Selfish?

fullsizeoutput_484As women, we are taught at an early age that we are the caretakers and nurturers of others.  And that is a beautiful job, one that I take seriously and feel honored to do.  But to keep pouring out into and for others, we have to remember to refill our own cup.  If you have ever traveled on an airplane, the following sentence should be a familiar one; “In case of emergency, air masks will drop from the ceiling.  If you are traveling with a minor, please put on your own mask before helping the minor”; but how many times do we really follow these directions in our daily lives?  When life gets hectic, your to-do list is never ending, your calendar is jam-packed, and you feel like you are pleasing no one, who is the first person to get pushed to the back burner?  If you are anything like me, that person is the one that actually needs the most self-love and grace, that person is yourself. While self-care may seem indulgent and a luxury we can not afford, it is actually crucial to your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well-being. And honestly it doesn’t have to cost anything.  However, one very important thing to remember about self care is that it is a practice, it isn’t something you just do once.  By making it a part of your routine you are sending a message to yourself and others; that message is “I am worth it.  I believe in myself enough to make myself a priority.”  The benefits of self care are amazing:

  • Reduce the negative affects of stress
  • Your relationships will flourish
  • You begin to appreciate and notice the small things
  • Your physical health will improve
  • Your emotional health will improve
  • Your spiritual health will improve (do you see a pattern here?

This is just a very small sampling of the benefits.  If you begin to practice self care I can guarantee you will add more to this list each time you take the time to make yourself a priority.  In the coming days I will be giving you some suggestions of how to make self care  part of your routine and not just something you dream about doing someday….I think you will be surprised at how little time and money it will take…and remember YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!

Persevere

37199423_10212282213031226_6766893989015584768_nSometimes things come out of what seems to be nowhere…and kinda sucker punches you right in the gut…and it takes your breath away…and maybe you even feel disoriented, defeated,lost and alone. But then you realize your in the palm of His hand…and nothing takes Him by surprise and everything that touches your life is Father filtered. And you aren’t called to understand, or make sense of it..,you are simply called to stand tall and and keep your eyes forward not backwards at what has happened, or sideways at how others are standing or down in defeat or inward in bitterness but forward at the Son….because at the end of the day The greatest of these is love…and love ALWAYS works…maybe not in our time…or the way we think it should…or in a way we understand…but it works…Every. Single. Time. Amen.

I Believe In You

37863573_10212352235621747_8658021076455915520_nA very personal post today with a lot of words, so you have been warned.  The picture on the left was taken May 11st, 2012, the day I entered Lakeside. The picture on the right was taken on July 23rd, 2018. I don’t even recognize the person on the left anymore. But I keep the bracelet to remind me how far I have come. There are so many people walking around out there that feel like I did in that picture on the left, defeated, hopeless and broken beyond repair. The night before this picture was taken I had taken an entire bottle of sleeping pills in hopes of ending the horrible pain I felt inside. But God has other plans. And I am so thankful He did. I am posting this because I know there are people who feel like I did in the picture on the left. And they are real feelings. And they can consume you and make you feel like there is no way out from the blackness you feel. I understand those feelings but I can promise you there is a better way. It won’t be easy…as a matter of fact, it may be the hardest thing you have ever done. I know it was for me. And there will still be dark moments. But you are stronger than the moments, because you are a mighty warrior. And I believe in you. And so do a lot of other people. You feel isolated and alone right now, but the simple act of seeking help will show you what an amazing support group you have. Because you are an amazing person created by an amazing God. There are many people out there who have walked this same journey you are on. Reach out to someone and let them walk beside you. I would love to be that someone for you. Because I believe in you.

 

Buttercups

The buttercup has always been my favorite flower….I remember every single year in the spring my mom would buy me a big bunch at Market Basket….the smell just smelled like spring and new beginnings to me. When I lived in Mt. Pleasant there was a field I took the kids to every year to pick buttercups…we named it Buttercup Field. I haven’t been to Buttercup Field since 2012…the year that marked the end of so many things in our lives. Recently, however, I have begun to see that endings are also new beginnings. So today after church I told the kids we were going to Buttercup Field and they were so excited…because they remembered …they had just been waiting on me be ready to remember too. So we turned down the street and looked to the right with eager anticipation for the field of yellow that had always been there….but it was gone. Totally and completely gone. The field had been plowed up and there wasn’t a single buttercup to be seen. We were so disappointed. As I turned the car around Colton asked “Momma where did they go? Didn’t they know we would be back?” img_5488“I guess they got tired of waiting,”  I said. It was quiet and then all of the sudden Colton said “Momma stop the car!! Look!!! They didn’t get tired of waiting…they just crossed the street to a new home to wait for you to come back!!!” And sure enough there they were…across the street…not as many…but the ones that were there were bigger and their stems were stronger and their color was brighter. Then I realized why I love buttercups so much..they are resilient. They can be trampled down…choked out by weeds…and even have their home destroyed..and they will find a way to cross the street to a new home where they will bloom again…bigger, stronger and with more color than ever before. They tell my story….and God knew that story all those years ago…and gave a little girl in a red brick house exactly what she needed to one day cross the street and bloom again…..